Byakuyas girls
by orangetornado
Summary: The women soul reapers have a plan. Who will be the one to make Byakuya finally crack?
1. Chapter 1

Yachiru started her announcement for the soul reaper womans association. "OK. I think we all know that Byakuya can be a big meanie, right." There was a few mumbles of agreement from the group. "So that's why I say we should all have a go at trying to loosen him up. The one who succeeds gets a really special prize!"

All the women looked at each other. Nanao stood up. "I agree with Yachiru. I hereby call "Operation loosen up captain Kuchiki" to order.

**Ok so all the women in the womens association (and then some) are gonna have a turn in loosening Byakuya up. Any suggestions on who should go first?**


	2. Kiyone

**Kiyones turn**

Byakuya walked noble-like into his office. His aura was even colder than usual. Renji was slacking off his work in the world of the living again. He was gong to get some punishment when he gets back but right now this paperwork had to be done. He sat quietly down on his chair and got to work with a cup of tea. He had to admit this seemed to relax him a bit. Sometimes it was nice to just be alone and peaceful...

"CAPTAIN KUCHIKI!" The loud noise didn't even make him flinch though it did make him annoyed. He listened carefully to here that the person currently shouting his name was the highly irritating co-third seat of the thirteenth division, Kiyone Kotetsu. He sighed in aggravation as she was banging on his door loudly.

"Come in, third seat Kotetsu." He said as calmly as he could.

She burst through the door heavily panting and bowed to him respectfully. "Good afternoon, Captain Kuchiki!" she said loudly.

_Ugh, what does she want? _he thought. "What is it you came for?" he said trying to get her to the point.

She suddenly brought out from nowhere a huge gift basket as big as herself. "I would like to present you with this captain Kuchiki! It was meantfor captain Ukitake to give to captain Hitsugaya but he got sick so I took it and decided to give it to you. Of coarse, I added some stuff-"

She was giving him a headache. "Third seat, please keep your voice down."

"Uh, hehe, sorry about that. Well, the gift basket has flowers and chocolates and scented stuff and fun games and sweets and stuff that-"

"Third seat," he's losing it, "Why have you brought me this?"

She grinned brightly looking proud. "I thought this would help lighten you up a bit since you're always all down in the dumps."

His eye twitched.

"HEY KIYONE!" Great. Another one. "How come you're not doing your share of paperwork!" Sentarou bellowed.

"I already done it and I'm talking with captain Kuchiki to cheer him up!" Byakuya's really losing it.

"Hey, if you want to make him happy, you should leave him alone!" Sentarou suggested. _Yes! Please leave!_ Byakuya thought.

Kiyone stomped her foot. "No way! He just needs some company!" _NO!_

They continued arguing till Byakuya got an idea. "Captain Ukitake has just chosen one of you as his favourite and insists you find out."

They both looked at each other with eyes wide as saucers then ran away in a flash both yelling "CAPTAIN UKITAKE!"

He inwardly groaned as he sat back at his desk. _Glad that's over _he thought, _what had gotten into that girl and why would she give me a gift basket? Well, things can't get any stranger.__  
_

**Kiyone Kotetsu: FAIL**

**so, who shall take the next attempt?**


	3. Soifon

**Soifons turn.**

"I'm telling you, it is seriously impossible to make that guy happy. I mean, have you ever even seen him smile?" a flustered Kiyone said pacing around the room.

Isane put a hand on Kiyones shoulder. "It's okay, Kiyone, it was just the first try."

Yachiru sprung up out of nowhere. "Alright, we're gonna choose who gets to go next. Nanao, do the honours."

"Right." Nanao pulled out the next name from the box. "Captain Soifon."

Byakuya received a message from a hell butterfly telling him to go to the squad two barracks immediately. He didn't know what this was about but you know how on time he is. He was their in a minute. Soifon was standing outside with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You have summoned me here." He stated plainly.

"Yes." she replied, "Come with me." And she gestured for him to follow her into her office. He didn't understand what this was all about. All of a sudden, women just happened to be all over him.

They reached the door when Soifon turned to him and a bright, wide grin appeared on her face. His eyes almost widened at that. _Almost. _"What is it, Captain Soifon?"

"Take a look for yourself!" Then she swung open the door revealing a room full of... CATS?

Byakuya gasped and stepped back but Soifon excitedly pulled him in. There was everything. Cat posters, cat toys, cat _food?_ But worst of all, there were actual live cats everywhere. "Captain Soifon, what is the meaning of this?"

"Oh, doesn't it just make you so excited! Cats are the best!" Soifon was jumping up and down clapping her hands like a crazed fan girl.

"I hate cats." Byakuya stated quite flustered. Cats only brought back bad memories. Yoruichi.

However, him saying that seemed to trigger a bad reaction with the cats. The hissed and bared their claws ready to pounce.

"Uh oh."

And the cats attacked.

**Soifon: FAIL**

**So who shall have the next try?**


	4. Momo

**Momos turn...**

Renji arrived back from the world of the living. Late. _Aw man, the captain's gonna be mad, I am so dead_ Renji came into the office to try and explain himself but saw that Byakuya wasn't there. "Huh? I wonder where he could have gone."

Sajin Komamura walked peacefully to squad seven after visiting squad four when he heard a rustle up a tree beside him. He looked up the tree to see none other than Byakuya Kuchiki standing on a branch.

"Captain Kuchiki? What are you doing there." Sajin asked.

Byakuya gracefully jumped down from the tree and looked away hiding his slight embarrassment. "I was... hiding."

"Hiding?" Sajin said. "Who would you be hiding from?" Byakuya didn't really want to tell him about the girls that have recently been following him around.

"Oh, that reminds me," Sajin continued. "Momo is looking for you. Oh there she is now." Sajin pointed in the direction Momo was coming.

Momo spotted them. "Oh, there you are, Captain Kuchiki!"

_Darn._

"Yes, what is it, lieutenant Hinamori?" Byakuya said trying to calm his nerves.

Sajin smiled kindly. "I'll leave you two to it." and he left.

Momo twiddled with her fingers. "Um, I just... wanted to talk, you know."

Ok, this is getting awkward. "Talk?" She was irritating him now. "About what?"

"Oh, you know, um, ooh, let's talk about Toshiro! Isn't he just amazing! Being a captain so young and all."

Ugh, she was really irritating him now. She continued babbling on about how Toshiro is so hilarious and she calls him lil shiro and how she's a little jealous because he might have a crush on this girl from the world of the living. He really didn't need to know all this.

"Lieutenant Hinamori, I really must be go-"

"NO WAIT! I just think you should relax a while. _and maybe just smile so I can win this contest."_ She said under her breath so he couldn't hear.

Byakuya sighed. When will this girl leave?

"Oh, I know, let's talk about captain Aizen! Well I guess he did betray us but I still think he's a nice guy."

Oh no. This is n't gonna end well.

"I mean just think about it, if we just helped him, we could bring him back to soul society and- BWAAAAH!" The lieutenent Sasabike just blasted her with a tazer.

Sasabike took her unconscious body and slung her over his shoulder. "We cannot have her talking about Sosuke Aizen as of now." And he took her away to the forth.

Byakuya made his way back to squad six. He needs to find a better hiding spot.

**oh momo, someday she'll learn. So who's up next?**


	5. Rangiku

**Rangikus turn**

All the women crossed their fingers hoping it would be their name picked next. Nanao dipped her hand into the box and drew out a name. Everyone held their breath in anticipation.

"Rangiku Matsumoto." Nanao read out. (can things get any worse for Byakuya?)

Byakuya sat at his desk having finally completed his paperwork. He just needed to have a relaxing moment to himself. The past week had been full of running away from girls chasing him. He knows he is handsome but was it really to that extent? Oh well, at least he can enjoy this moment now.

"OH BYAKUYA!" Came a sing-song voice.

Spoke too soon. The highly out-going lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto, climbed into his office through the window. He sighed. "Lieutenant Matsumoto, it would be more polite if you'd knocked. And there is a door you know." He said keeping his straight face.

"Aww, but where's the fun in that, Byakuya-honey?" She pouted.

Byakuyas eye twitched. "It's captain Kuchiki, lieutenant Matsumoto."

She moved over to his desk, cleared the papers and sat on it with her crossed legs hanging off the side. She leaned towards him seductively. "Don't you think we should cut the formalities, hmm? I like Byakuya-honey much better."

"I don't."

She turned her body towards him slightly which exposed a bit more of her large cleavage. "Ok, would you prefer Byakuya-bear or Byakuya-cakes or-"

He didn't want to hear any more of this. "Lieutenant Matsumoto, are you drunk?"

"Not yet." She then pulled out two bottles of sake from who knows where and handed one to him. "I can't drink this all by myself." She said suggestively.

He scowled. "I'd say drinking is the last thing you need. Now would you please remove yourself from my desk." It was more of an order than a request.

She seemed to be thinking about it. "Hmm, I'd rather not, it's actually pretty cosy right here. You could sit next to me if you like. Or better yet, I could sit on your lap."

Byakuya was fuming now. He got up and walked around the desk. He took her arm and tugged her down. "Lieutenant Matsumoto, come down at once." He ordered. Unfortunately, he tugged a little too hard and she tripped.

"Whoa!" She landed on Byakuya and they both fell to the ground. Only problem is that now Byakuyas face is buried within Rangikus boobs!

"Mrphm! Grt rff mvf!" He struggled to get out but Rangiku held him there.

"See, doesn't that feel nice?" She said soothingly but he stopped moving. She looked down at him to see that he was now unconscious.

"Aw man, not again."

**Rangiku Matsumoto: FAIL**

**oh my, what a situation for Byakuya to be in. Who's up next?**


	6. Yoruichi

**Yoruichis turn**

"So, you know the deal, Ms Yoruichi." Nanao stated.

"Yeah yeah, I got it." Yoruichi replied. She had been called over from the world of the living just to do this task but she thought it would be kinda fun.

Byakuya got that feeling again. That feeling he gets whenever he can sense he has some unwanted attention. He looked around his garden cautiously then heard a rustle in the bushes. His hand went to his zanpakuto as he tuned to that direction. Emerging out of the bush was a black cat.

_Ugh, a cat _Byakuya thought. They only remind him of his childhood nemesis, especially black cats. He'd almost assume the cat in front of him was Yoruichi but that can't be, she's in the world of the living.

He sighed. He'll get someone to drive the cat away later. For now, he just turned around about to head inside.

"I didn't think you'd forget about me so soon, Byakuya. It's quite hurtful." A man-ish voice said from behind him. _Dang _he thought.

He tuned to look down at the cat. "Yoruichi, what are you doing here?"

"What, you're not happy to see me? I just came to visit a special friend." Byakuya almost rolled his eyes at the word "friend". Then a puff of smoke appeared before him. The smoke cleared revealing a very nude Yoruichi.

Before Byakuya could express any form of shock, he averted his eyes. "Yoruichi, wear some cloths immediately or leave."

Yoruichi smirked and casually strode over to Byakuya. "Aw, c'mon little Byakuya! Who wants to give lady Yoruichi a hug?" She spread out her arms.

Byakuyas eyes widened and he quickly backed away. "Yoruichi... don't come any closer." She continued walking towards him, laughing mischievously. Byakuya was now backed against the wall in Yoruichis bone crushing embrace. His arms were held down but he still struggled against her and his face was turning red.

"Hey, captain Kuchiki, I have these reports from-" Toshiro stopped mid sentence upon what he just saw.

"Hey, kid." Yoruichi said casually.

Toshiros whole face burned bright red and he fainted.

**Yoruichi Shihoin: FAIL**

**sorry i didn't update in some time. so, whos up next?**


	7. Unohana

**Unohanas turn**

Unohana just finished healing Byakuya. "Oh, Captain Kuchiki, this is so unlike you. Third degree burns? What happened?"

Byakuya just tuned his head because he didn't want Unohana knowing he got burned because some girl tried to impress him with kido but it went wrong. "It's nothing serious."

Unohana smiled at him warmly. "Well, you're fine now, Byakuya."

Byakuya frowned at the way she called him by his first name. He also noticed the way she was healing him was a little more touchy, feely than usual. _Oh no, not her too. _He thought.

"Well, Byakuya," Unohana said, "Instead of going right back to squad six, how about you stay here for a while." She smiled brightly.

"Actually, I an't leave Renji to do all the paperwork by himself so..." He began to get up from his seat.

Unohana held him down to the seat. making Byakuyas eyes widen. "Oh, Byakuya, silly, you can stay and have tea with me."

"I really must get going." He tried getting up again but Unohana shoved him down forcefully with a frown on her face.

"Sit!" Then she smiled again but this time her creepy smile which made Byakuya shiver. "As you probably know, it is not a good idea to disagree with me. Now you will stay with me and we will have a nice relaxing time together, yes?"

He gulped. "Yes."

Unohana smiled brightly again. "Good. I want to show you something you might find fun and will hopefully make you smile.

_What have I gotten into _he thought. Unohana took him to this secret underground. She turned to him. "I know most people think of me as a kind and gentle person but... I wanted to show you the real side of me"

"Um, I-"

"Don't worry,this side of me is much more fun." The she pulled out her zanpakuto.

Byakuya jumped back with a hand on the hilt of his zanpakuto. "What are you doing, captain Unohana."

She ignored him. "Bleed, Minazuki." and she unleashed her power.

Byakuya was scarred for life.

"Oh, hey there, captain Kuchiki." Said Ukitake when he saw Byakuya.

Byakuya simply said, "I'm never getting injured again."

"Huh, why?"

"So I never have to see _her."_

**Retsu Unohana: FAIL**

**this is kinda based on unohanas fight with kenny**


	8. Kukaku

**Kukakus turn**

It was a special, special day in the soul society. New years eve! On this day, everyone gathers in rukongai to have fun with festive activities and at night, see the amazing fireworks display by none other than Kukaku Shiba.

Most people decided to go with a partner or a group of friends but Byakuya tends to go alone. Nobles these days.

The festives buzzed on as they usually would on new year eve but little did Byakuya know that there was a surprise in store for him. Honestly, Byakuya was quite enjoying himself right now. Everyone knew he goes alone to theses parties so he didn't have to suffer from crazed fan girls bothering him everywhere.

"Hey, Byakuya." Oh just when he thought he was alone, the one and only Kukaku Shiba appears behind him.

Byakuya turned to face her. "Lady Shiba, in the utmost respect, I'd prefer if you refer to me as Captain."

She scoffed. "Like that'll happen." Then she smirked. "Guess what, Kuchiki, I've got little something special planned out for you." She tapped him on the nose and walked away.

Byakuya dreaded the thought of what may happen.

Ganju ran up to Kukaku over by the fireworks stand, panting and sweating. He held out a bag of stuff to her. "Here you go, sis, all the ingredients you need for you special fireworks."

She took the bag. "Thanks, Ganju. You best have brought the right stuff."

"No problem! You can count on me." He made a saluting gesture.

Shigekuni Genryusai Yamamoto (head captain) got a microphone and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, all turn your attention towards the fireworks display which is about to start." There were cheers all round.

The fireworks show began which was beautiful until...

Kukaku grinned. "Here we go." And she released the firework.

Everyone looked up to the sky with wide eyes and gasps as they saw written in the fireworks in bold letters"BYAKUYA HAS BUNNY UNDERWEAR- FROM LADY KUKAKU" All heads were on Byakuya now and his face was turning red. More from fury than embarrassment. _That Kukaku is gonna get it! _he thought.

Kukaku was even shocked at this display. She growled in rage. "Ganju! It was supposed to say _is best beyond compare _not _has bunny underwear_!"

Ganju was sweating like mad. "Um, I-I didn't mean to-"

Kukaku grabbed Ganju by the collar and said in a low, menacing voice "You brought the wrong ingredients, didn't you!"

No one saw Ganju for a few days.

Or Byakuya for that matter.

**Kukaku Shiba:FAIL**

**i bet he really does have bunny underwear. hmm whos turn is it next?**


	9. Orihime

**Orihimes turn**

Ichigo and the gang were in soul society doing whatever business Ichigo had there. And of course, Orihime would be with them.

Rangiku found Orihime chewing on some kind of strange snack she made up. "There you are Orihime! I heard you came to soul society and I've been looking for you! I need you to do something important."

And that is why Orihime is now standing inside Byakuyas office with a big basket of stuff in her arms. "Hi, captain Kuchiki!"

Byakuya eyed the basked she was holding. "Why are you here and what have you brought into my office?" he asked in his usual deadpan tone, although on the inside, he was rather terrified of what horrors await him.

"Hehe, well, I decided to have lunch with you. I made it myself!" She opened the basket to reveal the horrendous meal she had prepared.

Byakuya frowned. "What is this?"

"Oh, it's just ice cream... with chilli peppers, baked beans, carrots, scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese, tomato sauce, cucumbers, fish cakes, vinegar, mushrooms, and sprinkles! I call it," drum roll, "Sunshine!" she said excitedly.

"No." Byakuya replied instantly.

Orihime sighed. "I didn't wan't to have to do this." she mumbled to herself. Suddenly, she tuck out her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes tight shut in a huge pout. Somehow, this caught Byakuya off guard. Her eyes looked like threes!

"Alright, fine." Byakuya agreed in a moment of panic.

She jumped up and down, clapping her hands. "Yay!"

He got a spoon and took a bite of the Sunshine. His eyes widened instantly and he threw his hand over his mouth top stop himself from throwing up.

"Did you LOVE it?" Orihime asked expectantly.

"That was-" Byakuya started but Orihime pouted again and he redirected what he was about to say. "just fine."

"Yes! Now you can have the rest of it, I made it all for you!"

Eventually, Byakuya forced down all the Sunshine and when Orihime left, ran to the bathroom and retched the whole thing up. He was sick and in hospital for seven days. No one has a stomach like Orihimes.

**Orihime Inoue: FAIL**

**i really wonder who should go next. there are so many girls to choose from so i'm thinking of going with someone real random**


	10. Lisa

**Lisas turn**

Byakuya had a long day. It seemed the girls just never stopped. Well, it's finally night and he can just leave all that nonesense behind and have a peaceful sleep. Or so he thought.

He opened the door to his quarters to find that his room had been completely redone. The walls were painted red, there were rose petals scattered on the floor, the room was dimly lit with candles, there were flowers just about everywhere. But worst of all, his normal bed had been replaced with a giant red heart shaped bed!

His fists tightened. "What is the meaning of this?" he said to no one in particular.

"Don't say you don't love it, Kuchiki." Lisa said, suddenly emerging from behind him.

_Hmm, Lisa Yadomaru? _he thought _I don't know much about those visords but I have heard this one is particularly perverted._

She strode her way into the room holding a bunch of magazines in her arms and laid on the bed seductively.

"Remove this furniture at once." he said masking his rage.

Lisa shrugged. "Come on, the rest of the visords and I put a lot of work into this." Byakuya scowled. They were all in his room, rearranging his things. "So anyway," she laid out the porno magazines on the bed, "Pick your favourite and we can get started." she said suggestively.

Byakuya took a deep breath out of frustration. "I'll leave for thirty minutes and by the time I get back-"

She cut him off by shoving one of the magazines in his face with a picture of a girl in a bikini. "Personally, I like this one the best but there's also this one, and this one and-"

"Hey Lisa! How's the plan going?" Shinji asked, casually walking in.

Lisa huffed. "I was just in the middle of it before you so rudely interrupted.

Shinji shrugged. "I was only checking."

"Hey Lisa! How's the plan-" Hyouri came in. "What are you doing her! I was gonna check the plan!" she yelled to Shinji.

"To bad, snaggle tooth, I got here first." He replied calmly.

"Why you little!" she pulled off her slipper but before she could beat him with it, the rest of the visords were all standing by the door.

"Hey Lisa! How's the plan going?"

Lisa groaned. "Will you guys leave and let me do this thing? Come on, Byakuya, we should- Byakuya?" (he's gone)

It was about nine at night. Byakuya knocked on Captain Ukitakes door. "Why, what brings you here, Captain Kuchiki?"

"I've moved out of my house."

**Lisa Yadomaru: FAIL**

**i wonder who to do next**


End file.
